My Educational Narrative: "How I Learned to Believe in Myself" - Final

Amanda Rogers
Dr. Sonia Begert- Instructor
English 101
10/15/2013

How I Learned to Believe in Myself

Part I- Finding my passion, and gaining an opportunity

Photo Credit: Goggle Images

From a very early age, I’ve loved helping people. Growing up, if someone in my family were sick, I would always want to “play nurse”. Of course, at 6 years old my only experience as a medical provider was fixing my teddy bear’s leg when my dog had chewed it up. But even so, my mom, dad, or sister, would patiently let me take my toy “doctors kit” and examine them. I remember taking my plastic stethoscope and checking their heart with a very serious look on my face, as if I could actually hear it beating through the solid tubing.  I would administer medicine (sweet tarts) as needed, and bandage any injuries. Even if it were the tiniest wound acquired weeks before I discovered it. At 11 years old, my interest in the medical field had become much more serious. On Thanksgiving Day 2001, my dad suddenly became very sick. Barley able to breath and in obvious intense pain, he instructed for me to call 911. I did so without hesitation. No longer than 10 minutes later, the ambulances pulled into our driveway. After a mere five minutes of the paramedics examining him, they recognized the severity of his unfortunate situation, loaded him onto a gurney and rushed out the front door. One amputated leg and six months of physical therapy later, he came out on the other side of this ordeal a new person. After observing how the EMT’s and paramedics took care of my dad that day, I knew then that I wanted in on this exciting and rewarding job.

After high school, I met with the director of the local ambulance company and expressed my interest in becoming an EMT. The timing was perfect as they happened to be conducting a three month emergency medical service training course the following month at the local fire station. I put my name on the list, got my required books and waited eagerly to start my training. As excited as I was, I remember feeling anxious and nervous to start this journey. At 18, I didn’t exactly know what I was getting myself into. All I knew is I was motivated. This was a once in a lifetime opportunity that I could not turn down.

Part II: Starting something new & feeling out of place

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The first day of EMT school finally came around. Although I appeared rather confident, the nervous feeling inside me had not completely subsided since the day I signed up. But all emotions aside, I walked through the front door into the main lobby area, and continued down the hall to the classroom. As soon as I opened the door, I saw five tables able to seat four people each. I wasn’t surprised to see mostly men standing around, getting acquainted with everyone in the class. We all drew numbers to determine which table we would sit. I ended up sitting at the table in the very front of the classroom. I was the last one to draw the number for my table so when I went to sit down, the three other people were already there and I would complete the group. Aside from me, my group consisted of three men, all of which had just completed the fire fighters training course that was held in the months prior to the medical course. They greeted me with unsure smiles. By the looks they gave me, I could tell they were slightly disappointed that they had to share a group with a female. I felt like this was high school all over again. I did a good job of covering it up but to be honest, my confidence level dropped the second I walked into the classroom. I was all of a sudden intimidated by thought of becoming an EMT. The majority of the class was composed of men who, like those at my table, had just completed the “fire” course. I wasn’t only the youngest of the three females, but the youngest in the whole class. I didn’t know a single person and I just felt like the odd one out. I could tell this was going to be a more difficult journey than I anticipated.

The first part of the process was learning all of the standard protocol for a variety of situations. Obtaining vital signs, performing CPR, strapping someone to a back board, and administering oxygen all have separate sets of specific protocol to follow.  We also had a short unit on human anatomy. This, if you can imagine, was almost like cramming the entire first year of medical school into a one-week-long unit.

 After we had a good foundation of protocol and anatomy drilled into our minds, it was time to put our skills to use. The most important part of the learning process was practicing how to be comfortable in high intensity situations. Mock scenarios were posed upon us by the instructors to see how well we could perform under pressure. For me, this was difficult. We all had assigned tasks for each scenario, and whether I was taking vitals or putting a collar brace on someone’s neck, I was always second guessing myself, slowing down everyone in the group. I would run through the same scenario multiple times and still not get it. I would either forget a few small details, or one major detail. This was definitely frustrating for me; I can only imagine how the rest of the group felt. It was as though I was learning significantly slower than everyone else in my class. A challenge that is understandably not so acceptable in the word of emergency medicine.

Part III: Breaking out of my shell


       My second guessing and unsure attitude continued   for  quite some time until the day of our Pediatric Module. Working      with kids came natural to me as I had worked in a daycare for two years before staring EMT school. One of the firemen brought in his 6 year old son to act as our patient for the day. He was shy, and every time someone tried to get him to talk, there was no luck. Finally it was my turn to evaluate him. At first, he gave me the same shyness as he had with everyone else. But once I started talking to him about other things (other than whether or not his throat hurt), He began to open up to me. I had him laughing and telling me all about the school he goes to. With everyone watching, I sat there in the middle of the classroom, jiving with this kid who had said no more than five words all day. I admit I was quite proud of myself for being able to communicate with him. But more so because for the first time, I truly felt like I had finally found something I was good at. That little bit of motivation was exactly what I needed in order to spark my confidence and grow not only as an EMT, but as a person.

Part IV: Finding my confidence

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          As the weeks went on, I became closer with the people in my class. The scenarios we practiced became more intense. As the end of the course neared, I had started to really get the hang of any task I was asked to complete. One of my instructors even said I had performed one of the best CPR scenarios in the class. We gained expertise working with real patients by riding along in ambulances, and spending a few days working in the emergency room at Harrison Hospital.  The most memorable moments for me all happened during this “live training”. I helped put someone in a helicopter, got to be included on a drug bust, and was locked in the hospital morgue by one particular ER technician with an obnoxious sense of humor. I ended up passing all of my final exams with high scores.

Part V: A new person

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      Throughout the training course, I had changed. I started out a shy, timid, 18 year old with no confidence. I was constantly worried about what the other people in the class thought of me as an EMT. The amount of emotional stress I put on myself was only damaging to me and my classmates. It was only when I started believing in myself that my outlook and attitude changed for the better. I became more hopeful and positive, and best of all, my classmates finally started to trust me. Knowing that they knew they could count on me was an amazing feeling. Looking back, this experience was a lifelong lesson to me. I learned that if you have a passion, and you work hard through the difficulties and frustrations, you truly can make anything happen. But first, you have to have faith in yourself.